Rhode Island

Mediterranean Bunny Kebab Wrap with Cilantro Tabbouleh

Kinnan H.-D. (original recipe)

I went out to brunch with my parents and mentioned the topic of Rhode Island, to which my dad sang a little song, "Poor little Rhode Island, smallest of the 48" which, according to my mom's research, is a song from 1945 (when there were, of course, only 48 states). I thought it was kind of funny. My dad also shared a memory of a beach in Rhode Island where they used to vacation, which required walking through a small forest, and the time he got poison ivy passing through there.

Speaking of ivy, Brown is located here, where real-life Hermione did some of her collegiate study. We were that close to luring her to Cornell with a pretty good offer (e.g., you can ride a horse to class). Oh well.

I thought I would share some of my notes from Kamala Harris's first interview (along with Tim Walz) after becoming the Democratic nominee. I'm not convinced it's a great idea, but I've already referenced the interview in the upcoming visit to Wisconsin so maybe I'll go through with it here. I attempted to interpret the questions and answer them as myself. Why not. Present-day comments boxed.

Let's cut to the chase. What would you do on day 1 in the White House?

I would want to know where the bathrooms are.

I would call people in Israel.

Something about health care.

Talk to leaders in Congress

Pardons

I don't know the question. KH seems to know the question. "Things were better under Trump."

Yeah, after 8 years of Obama, things under Trump were good for about two years before Covid.

System change

Why didn't you use your power to advance your agenda?

Because I have adopted a policy of ill-defined protest. And I've tried! Some lady in Target asked me why I had tears of blood and the words "Conscientious Objector" painted on my face

Do you want to ban fracking?

Not directly, but indirectly. Hell yes.

What made you change your position?

Well, I think we need to stop fracking. But we need to stop a lot of stuff. So let's stop it all. Including fracking. I'd outright ban it in my state, but when it comes to nationally, let's create an environment where fracking is not economically practical. We do this by cracking down on fossil fuels. Sorry fracking, that means you. Maybe you are a tick better than razing Canadian boreal forests, so I give you that. Shout out to North Dakota.

Root causes of immigration... about that?

Do you people really care so much about this? Let's treat it like a problem, but people, tigers are going extinct!

It's really the criminal element that makes it nefarious. If someone just sneaks across the border, who gives a shit?

"My values have not changed" -- uh oh, Inflation Reduction Act

blah blah blah

sorry, kidding

except, you were like, nah, we ain't gonna do that, GND

Would you appoint a Republican to my cabinet?

Not anyone in elected office. Maybe someone old, who's never held elected office.

Donald Trump. What an asshole. Are you Hispanic, even though you don't speak Spanish?

Whoa she skipped this question

Would you stop shipping weapons to Israel?

How much does the fucking Dome cost? Not a penny more! While you pull this kind of shit.

Let's face the music! This was a problem before the terrorist attack. Bombing them isn't really helping the situation. The terrorist attack was the beginning of my world falling apart, recent edition.

TW: Are you a lying sack of shit?

KH got to skip a question. My grammar iz not cheezburger too.

Mandatory euthanasia?

I suppose I am against it, but if you are asking the question, then there must be another side.

Am I too old?

Tell me about the day you learned John Sterling Joe Biden was dropping out!

They announced it on the Yankees baseball broadcast! I was driving home after brunch, parked in my driveway and about to enter the house. And I was like, holy shit, so I called my parents to tell them the news, and then I kind of lost my mind.

Tell us a story about Freya

Freya is like my Dave Grohl's Nirvana, can you believe it was only a few years?

My favorite joke about Freya is that she loved to lay in front of drafty doors, and with her thick white fur, she effectively sealed the leaky enclosure, and so I thought maybe I could get her registered as a weatherization service dog and bring her into businesses with me and stop heat loss and improve energy performance of the structure, by being awesome.

RIP

What does gender and race mean to you?

J.K. totally shanked me on this one, because I held her up as a good example, and in many other ways my foil, I guess I was the color on the ticket. So maybe a little pale. But I did stipulate, English language. I am me.

Whew! Rhode Island may be the smallest state, but this is a great big recipe! I count more than 30 ingredients! In addition, while we've done Mediterranean flavors before, kebabs are a step up in terms of complexity. This should be a fun challenge.

The recipe calls for ground turkey so of course we will once again turn to TVP AKA bunny mince meat for our creation. I did some Internet research about how to bind it and the suggestion I came across was to use vital gluten. The careful reader will know my earlier attempt at seitan wasn't very successful but there is reason to believe this will fare better. For one thing, the vital gluten is in a supporting role. Also, the flavors are bold and should stand up to the distinct flavor of seitan.

I enjoy a good beet burger (available at local vegan restaurant) so I thought this would be a prime opportunity to incorporate some earthy goodness into our kebabs. Will it work? I have no idea!

Bunny Kebabs

• 1/2 cu. TVP

• 1/2 cu. Water, boiling

• 1/4 cube No-chicken bouillon

• 1/4 cu. Beets, roughly chopped

• 1 sm. Shallot, roughly chopped

• 1 tsp. Nutritional yeast

• 1/2 tsp. Allspice, ground

• 1/8 tsp. ground Cinnamon

• 1/8 tsp. Nutmeg, ground

• 1/8 tsp. ground Cloves

• 1 clove Garlic, minced

• Salt and Pepper

• 3 Tbs. Water

• 1/4 cu. Vital gluten

• Olive oil

Cilantro Tabbouleh

• 1/4 cu. coarse Bulgur

• Pinch of Salt

• 3/4 cu. Water

• 1 Tbs. Pine nuts

• 1 bunch Cilantro

• 2 Scallions, sliced

• 6 Cherry tomatoes, halved or quartered

• Juice of 1-2 Lemons

• 2 Tbs. Olive oil

• 1 Tbs. Mint, chopped

• Salt and Pepper

Refreshing Cucumber Salad

• 1 container vegan plain Yogurt

• 1 Cucumber, chopped

• 2 Tbs. Mint, chopped

• 1 clove Garlic, minced

• Juice of 1 Lemon

• Salt

To Serve

• Whole-wheat pita

• Lettuce

• Tomato

• Hummus

Preparation

Boil beets for 20 minutes, then drain. Meanwhile, dissolve bouillon in boiling water, remove from heat, and combine with TVP. Allow to hydrate for 10 minutes.

In a food processor, combine beets, shallot, nutritional yeast, spices, garlic, salt and pepper, and maybe some water if necessary, and process until finely chopped. Then combine with TVP, vital gluten, and the remaining water in a bowl and mix thoroughly. Form kebabs and place onto a lightly greased baking sheet. Brush or spray top with olive oil, then bake for (let's guess) 30 minutes at 400 degrees.

For the tabbouleh, boil 3/4 cu. water with a pinch of salt. Add bulgur, stir, remove from heat, and allow to cool. Toast pinenuts in a dry pan over low heat, shaking the pan frequently and watching carefully not to burn them. Then combine all tabbouleh ingredients.

For the refreshing cucumber salad, combine all ingredients.

Serve kebabs in pita with lettuce, tomato, and hummus, with tabbouleh and cucumber salad on the side.

Discussion

To save some time and effort, I skipped the tabbouleh and instead made couscous from a box. I was mostly interested to attempt the kebabs. Unfortunately I made this for dinner after a very large lunch so I wasn't very hungry.

The kebabs were interesting, both chewy and crunchy. I think maybe I'd dial back the allspice a little, but it wasn't too bad. The beet flavor is pretty subtle. They barely held together as it was, so adding more beet doesn't feel like an option. Instead, I'd suggest retaining the beet cooking water and using it in place of regular water both places it occurs in the recipe (hydrating the TVP and in the final kebab mixture).

Would I make this again? If I did, I definitely make the tabbouleh since I think it would balance out the other flavors. The kebabs were experimental and would require more experimentation. It's hard for me to judge because I was not very hungry. Don't make it as written and expect great results. No fault of Kinnan's. TVP is good but it's not turkey.

New York

Rhode Island The first U.S. state to abolish slavery

Wisconsin